vipassana

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May 20, 2010

Hello Blog

Posted by Molly under awareness, be present, boulder, detox, happiness, health, hope, inflammation, inspiration, meditation, one-pointedness, present moment, spirituality, transformation, Uncategorized, vipassana, well-being | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
[17] Comments 

I’m back after an extended absence from the world of blogging. Finally I have the space and inspiration to get back to it, to share my experience, and to hear all about yours. What your heart feels, what you’re learning about yourself, the cobwebs, the crevices, the light and dark. What a journey we’re on. The world would be a very different place if we each had our own planet and we did this thing called life alone. Thank god we get to share  love, that wellspring of goodness.

Since I’ve been away from blogging I’ve had some fabulous experiences. I sat a 20-day Vipassana course in November. It was a doozy but I am incredibly grateful for the experience, for what I gained (or lost…depending on your angle).

I spent 2 weeks in February at the Optimum Health Institute. The Optimum Health Institute is a raw/living food detoxification program. You eat a raw diet designed for detoxification &  drink more wheatgrass than you ever thought humanly possible (you do other things with the wheatgrass as well, but they are better left off the blog). Why would you want to subject yourself to this? Some people go to treat “health opportunities” (that is OHI code for illness or disease, and feels much different when you say it…opportunity implies you can make a difference…this rings really true if you have a health opportunity like I have). Others go simply to clean up. After years of eating things that come from a can or a box and have lists of ingredients that you can’t pronounce, the body becomes a bit of a toxic dump. (Poor, poor temple. What have we done to thou?) At OHI you detox and come away feeling like a shiny temple inside. Truly. When I returned home people couldn’t stop telling me how amazing my skin looked, how amazing I looked. I do not eat an exclusively raw diet now, but 2 meals a day and all of my snacks are raw, and the cooked food I eat is food I’ve made myself so I know what is in it (no more dairy, refined sugar, gluten, caffeine….yes I broke that wicked black tea habit). The experience at OHI was a huge act of self-love.

Lastly, my favorite yoga teacher read a poem in class the other day by Hafiz. It moved me to tears. Of course I am also just really happy to be back at yoga, because status post the development of my health opportunity 3 years ago, it has taken a while for me to get back to her level of class. My gawd does it feel heavenly . The poem:

“Your Mother and My Mother”

Fear is the cheapest room in the house
I would like to see you living
In better conditions,for your mother and my mother
Were friends.

I know the Innkeeper
In this part of the universe.
Get some rest tonight,
Come to my verse tomorrow.
We’ll go speak to the Friend together.

I should not make any promises right now,
But I know if you
Pray
Somewhere in this world-
Something good will happen.

God wants to see
More love and playfulness in your eyes
For that is your greatest witness to Him.


Your soul and my soul
Once sat together in the Beloved’s womb
Playing footsie.

Your heart and my heart
are very, very old
Friends.


 

June 30, 2009

Coming From A Place of Spontaneity

Posted by Molly under awareness, be present, happiness, insight, inspiration, life, one-pointedness, present moment, spirituality, stress, transformation, Uncategorized, vipassana | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
[27] Comments 

2259321835_822ab0c920Here is some of  what the OED has to say about spontaneous:

Performed or occurring without external cause or stimulus; coming naturally or freely, unpremeditated; voluntarily, done of one’s own accord; unconstrained, uninhibited, natural.

I’ve been moving into a new way of being, a new way of conducting myself. And I have found it INCREDIBLY difficult to leave the old habits behind. Here it is: I am NOT a planner. It stresses me out to make plans a week from now or two weeks from now. I don’t want a “phone date” on a Thursday evening. I want to talk on the phone when I feel moved to do so. I realize there are times when planning is necessary, but largely, I don’t like to make plans. I find when I am living from a place of planning I begin to run from one thing to the next, regardless of whether I actually want to be doing that thing in that moment. It begins to feel the opposite of unconstrained, uninhibited, natural.

 What feels MUCH better to me, is to not plan and let things arise naturally. If I am feeling spacious on a given afternoon and I wish to see a friend, then I’ll call and if it works out that we can get together, great. But if I am feeling more like I want to meditate or read or simply sit on the back porch and watch the robins hopping around in the grass on their search for worms, then I want the freedom to choose to do that.

I find that in the moment I’ll know what I really want to do, and not until then. The eternal moment before us contains a vast amount of wisdom. It is from whence we arise. It feels so much more spacious to be able to choose freely how to spend my time from that space. What is difficult about it for me is being that honest with people. In the past I’ve tended not to return phone calls as opposed to calling someone back and saying,” no, sorry, largely I don’t make plans anymore.” It feels like a hard thing to say to people .

But I am going to say it. Practice makes perfect. (or practice makes it easier, anyway)

I’m more interested in staying in alignment with what makes me feel free, spacious, inspired. And if I am there, I’ll actually have far more to give…

It is what has to happen for me to be authentic.

 

 

June 13, 2009

A Story

Posted by Molly under awareness, be present, happiness, insight, inspiration, life, meditation, one-pointedness, short story, spirituality, Uncategorized, vipassana, writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
[33] Comments 

I heard a story last week that moved me enough to want to share it.

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My brother–one with a diligent meditation practice but with the occasional doubt in his heart–is one of the most fabulous individuals on the face of the planet. On the eve of his thirty-fourth birthday  last week, he was having a languid afternoon. He gave himself the permission to blow off yoga, and decided he didn’t even want to attempt to go surfing, even though it was a stunning afternoon in Santa Cruz,  the air warm, the water glassy and calm. After succumbing to this torpor and lounging around the house for some time, an internal voice galvanized Matt to put his surfboard in his truck, even though he felt absolutely no desire to be active. With some resistance, he listened to that little voice, got into his truck, and drove twenty miles south to Manresa, a beach that is part of a state park.

When he arrived the waves were not fit for surfing. He sat in his car for a moment, thinking about turning around and leaving. A new sign caught his eye. He opened the door and stepped out of his truck to read it. Just then a teenage girl wearing black and with multiple piercings, approached him and asked if he had a phone she could use.

“Sure,” he said. She spent about ten minutes sitting on a curb, trying to call someone over and over, and not getting through. Eventually she handed him his cell phone, and he could detect that she was uneasy. 

“Is there anything I can do for you?” he asked.

“Are you going back to santa Cruz?” 

“Sure,” he replied. “Do you need a ride?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Can you take me to the bus station?” Matt offered her almonds and water and found out that her Mom was supposed to pick her up at Manresa, but hadn’t shown up. Eventually the girl reached her mother who was in the middle of a drinking binge. 

“You’re an angel,” she told Matt when they arrived at the bus station. She sat for a moment before jumping out. 

“Do you need bus fare?” Matt asked. She nodded and he handed her some money.

“Thanks for everything,” she said. And before she jumped out, he said, “I’m Matt. What’s your name?”

“Faith,” she said, and with that she hopped out and disappeared into the bus station.

 

It gave my brother goose bumps and actually brought tears to my eyes when I heard it.

 

CIMG0519My brother, Matt

 

 

June 10, 2009

Simple Question

Posted by Molly under awareness, be present, buddhism, change, happiness, insight, life, listening, meditation, one-pointedness, present moment, spirituality, transformation, vipassana | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
[41] Comments 

I like to revisit this question every once in a while:

 

Is there anywhere in my life where I am being less than authentic?

 

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Since I am responsible for all of my tomorrows, is there anywhere I could show up more fully, more honestly?

In my dealings with myself and others, am I coming from an authentic place?

The need to look at this arises for me when I find myself acting out of some need (ie pleasing others),

rather than coming from a place where truth resides.

 

June 4, 2009

Evolution

Posted by Molly under awareness, be present, buddhism, change, faith, happiness, insight, life, listening, meditation, one-pointedness, spirituality, stress, transformation, Uncategorized, vipassana | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
[24] Comments 

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Axinia, the lovely blogger behind 1000petals, wrote a post on evolution recently.  Her discussion juxtaposed evolution of the human race with evolution of the individual–that is evolution of the individual in a spiritual sense. A growth sense.

Her post really got me thinking. I’ve heard it said, by the wisest of the wise in my opinion, that as it is above, so it is below. For example, in nature we see transition, and we’ve come to know that really, that is all we are doing here. Transitioning. 

We see cycles repeat themselves. Fall gives way to winter, to spring, to summer. The moon’s phases. The tides. A woman’s menstrual cycle. It all seems to work in cycles. On a very macroscopic scale it has become apparent that the universe is expanding. This behavior is quantified and observed. In general it seems that the overwhelming feeling in science is that it is expanding eternally. But there are prominent scientists who have come up with a theory, backed by mathematical equations, that the universe will not do so eternally. That it will eventually begin to contract again, and eventually another big-bang will happen, and so-on and so-forth. Kind of like eternal seasons. Cycles. Without understanding the science behind any of it, I’m on board with the latter theory. But I digress.

The evolution piece: if we observe the macroscopic evolve (humanity, nature), and we see the microscopic evolve (the soul, well, sometimes), would it be fair to assume that eternity–the divine– is also evolving? 

I realize that we can only deliberate about that (at least from where I stand). Maybe the perfectly enlightened individual gets it because they are, well, enlightened. 

What are your thoughts? 

 

June 2, 2009

False Summit

Posted by Molly under awareness, be present, buddhism, faith, happiness, hope, insight, life, listening, love, meditation, present moment, spirituality, transformation, Uncategorized, vipassana, writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
[26] Comments 

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The false summit phenomenon happens when you’ve been hiking all day, and hungry, thirsty, and borderline headache from the altitude looming, you think you’re about to summit. It looks like the peak is right before you and you’re going to bag it and merrily make your way down the mountain. But just as you reach the so-called peak, you realize it is not actually the summit. Rather it is a false summit, and behind it looms the actual peak and it always seems a bit bigger and more daunting than the first. Not to mention you now have that headache from the altitude.

The options are to employ your (in the words of Liz Rosenberg) divine stubborness and climb that second peak. Or turn around and go home because you’re a bit disappointed and feel, well, a little deflated.

After spending several days steeped in the realities of the New York publishing industry at the Backspace Writer’s Conference,  I realize that what I had my sights set on was a false summit. I’ve been working on a book for two years entitled “Learning to Walk in India.” Finishing the book is the easy part. The false summit. And I pause, with merely a hint of deflation left as I tighten the pack (that’s backpack for us Coloradans), take a long sip of water (that’s meditate for us sitters), and keep pressing on with a resolve as mighty as the task at hand.  There is no turning back here. Only one foot slowly in front of the other as I look toward the second peak. 

After all, the journey is the destination.

I was really moved to return and see all of your comments on that last post, What is happiness. You guys make me happy. Well, you rock, really.

Alice, I would have loved to have met you in NYC. Just logged on this morning. Perhaps next time when my book is being published…  :)

Barry, thanks for the link to Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche’s song: What About Me. I listened to it this morning. It was just what I needed to hear. If anyone has a few moments, I recommend checking it out. We first encountered it on Alice’s blog and then Barry reminded me of it, saying that the video clip makes it clear that “happiness-the heart being free-comes when we turn away from “What about me?” and turn toward “How can I help you?”. Thanks, all of you.

 

What About Me:

 


 

April 23, 2009

Allow

Posted by Molly under awareness, be present, happiness, insight, life, meditation, one-pointedness, spirituality, stress, transformation, vipassana | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
[24] Comments 

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I heard a very wise man speak last night. He spoke about the full circle that seems to happen within spiritual work. Many spiritual traditions have cropped up over time to meet needs of humans who have a desire to be different than they are. It is a catalyst to begin the work in the first place–this suffering, this not being happy or content with the way circumstances are. So one begins to walk a path looking towards those enlightened beings who have walked it before, wanting what they have so one might not experience suffering any longer.

So we circle back to suffering.

But eventually, one realizes that they key to success is accepting, allowing, circumstances to be as they are, internal or external, and remaining neutral. It is within that freedom that liberation is experienced. So, one goes from experiencing suffering and rejecting it, to experiencing suffering and not rejecting it, and then and only then can one taste freedom of the internal persuasion. Getting intimate with the sticky bits, the sharp, scratchy, gnawing ones, serves us.

That word allow. I am taking it on as my word for 2009. In fact, I am going to put it up over my desk, as well as on the fridge and in the car.

 

 

April 5, 2009

Dawn of My 35th Year

Posted by Molly under awareness, be present, change, Grand Canyon, insight, life, meditation, one-pointedness, photographs, photography, pictures, spirituality, transformation, vipassana | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
[23] Comments 

 I had a birthday on March 28th. I turned 35. As a commencement to this new era (it feels like a new era), and in an effort to put a check mark on the bucket-list, my husband and I drove to the Grand Canyon. Neither of us had ever been. We left Boulder and drove west through Utah, then headed south towards Arizona. The first night we camped just north of the Utah-Arizona border (and the Navajo Nation). So when the sun rose the following day, my birthday, we were looking south over Monument Valley. There was no noise except for the wind. No cars, no planes, no people.

cimg1577Monument Valley sunrise

cimg1583Hiking in Monument Valley, Navajo Nation

cimg15891Tea Drinkers Unite 

We then continued on to the Grand Canyon. I had tears in my eyes when they came to rest on the vast carved-out earth before me for the first time. There are no words to describe the immensity of the earth there, the wind, and what it does to your insides.

cimg1630Grand Canyon, sunset

Initially when we started talking about going, I didn’t really think I’d be hiking down into the Grand Canyon. Two years ago this time I couldn’t walk, and although I’m doing really well, my feet and knees haven’t totally recovered from the illness. I thought I’d just do a couple of easy day hikes and call it a victory. But as we approached the Grand Canyon, I knew I had to go down, and Dan had brought all of our gear. Apparently he knows me better than I know myself. 

cimg1647Not bad for a girl who couldn’t walk 2 years ago

cimg1693Plateau Point

cimg1655Camping in the Grand Canyon

cimg1726Hiking out 2 days later

And I’m still standing. Though the calves were hurting pretty badly for a couple of days. What my meditation practice has done for my mind greatly served me on the 9 mile hike to our campground. I hadn’t done this level of activity for some time, and it is really nice to experience the fruits of the practice.

I come away vowing to sleep more under a sky that has so many stars in it you cannot find the constellations you know. As we hiked out I was aware that I felt so much more compassion and love for people in my life. The divine is in nature, is nature. Getting back to it does wonders for the soul.

 

 

March 23, 2009

Contradictions

Posted by Molly under awareness, be present, change, happiness, hope, insight, life, listening, meditation, one-pointedness, spirituality, transformation, Uncategorized, vipassana | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
[25] Comments 

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“Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.” ~Walt Whitman

 

Recently, blogger Alex, the fem de force  behind gypsygirlsguide, asked what she would see if she were allowed a peek inside. Inside us, the reader. It caused me to pause and think about this. And to feel it, the inside. And to ask what is there. And when I closed my eyes and sat with all of it I experienced the vastness that I contain. The multitudes that Whitman speaks about. 

At once there is storm and rain, but also deep blue skies the hues of which my conscious mind has only dreamt of experiencing. There is rich fertile soil juxtaposed with sand from a desert devoid of moisture. There is light so bright it is blinding, and a darkness so complete it feels impenetrable. There is wild laughter from a heart light and free, and deep despair that brings me to my knees with the weight of suffering. There are birds chirping and coyotes howling at the moon. There are frogs croaking their  delight at being submerged in mud up to their eyeballs, and sweet cats curled up in late afternoon  sunshine streaming in through a glass window. There are a million cars honking all at once on a busy street in Mumbai, and if you pause for a moment, through it all, there is a quiet stillness so vast it teeters on the edge of extinguishing all of it.

And this ever-morphing all-of-it, it’s me. Vectoring towards the vast quiet stillness, but allowing the dark, the light,the filth, the purity, the noise, the quiet. That word allow, I am taking it on as my mantra for this, the dawn of my thirty-fifth year.

 

 

March 16, 2009

The Present

Posted by Molly under awareness, be present, change, hope, insight, life, meditation, spirituality, transformation, vipassana | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
[24] Comments 

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The glorious present–it is what practice is all about. Dwelling more often in the moment we’re in, instead of having mind in future or mind in past. 

Last night I was at dinner with a dear friend and she asked how I’m doing with regard to my husband having been laid off over a month ago, and still looking for gainful employment.

I’m doing well, I said. And it is true. I went on, as long as I stay in the present I am fine with it. It is when I begin to let my mind drift into the “What if…” that I feel a panic begin to grip my heart. That what if is not real. It is not here and now. 

I am so very grateful that both my husband and I have a practice. We know it is important, but when the big life situations present themselves, you’re able to see just how lucky you really are, and the fruits of your labor can be tasted. 

So this brings me to the thought for the week. My brother who lives in Santa Cruz saw Lama Surya Das speak recently at the Santa Cruz Vipassana Center. He heard him say “Practice is perfect. Practice does not make perfect.” I love this so much I might paste it on my forehead so I’ll see it every time I look in the mirror.

 

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