I was speaking to a friend last night. We were discussing a situation that had arisen in her life, one that she was having difficulty confronting. She said that she was finding it difficult to take action because she didn’t want to hurt the other person.
As we continued to speak, what finally came to light was that at the root level, the reason she couldn’t take action actually had nothing to do with the other person. It had everything to do with an uncomfortable feeling within herself that she was avoiding by not taking action. On the apparent level she didn’t want to hurt the other person. But what she really didn’t want to do was be with the uncomfortable feeling that would arise when she was honest. It was easier not to go there.
Shining the light inside is difficult, and helpful. Of course it is so much easier to be aware of someone else doing this than it is when we do it ourselves. Therein lies the practice.
February 27, 2009 at 9:34 am
Ouch.
So true, Molly.
February 27, 2009 at 10:21 am
Yes, yes, yes – this is exactly the work of practice. Practice is not cultivating some good feeling in a meditation hall, but the hard work of functioning in the world with responsibility and compassion.
Thank you, Molly!
February 27, 2009 at 12:03 pm
As Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche taught (I’m paraphrasing here) – it’s about fully feeling the claustrophobic, juicy, stinky, filth of our ‘cocoon’ and then having the curiosity and courage to make a small tear. We then start stepping out to the freshness of what’s out there…one toe at a time. He also teaches a meditation technique to experience this – needless to say, it ain’t pleasant for most peeps. I personally find it very comforting – but I’m a weirdo like that! ;D
February 27, 2009 at 12:27 pm
It is very easy to shine the light outward, much tougher to shine it inward and reveal that which resides in the shawdows.
February 27, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Such a good community you have here, Molly. “…functioning in the world with responsibility and compassion.” Well said.
February 27, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Sometimes what we think we see in others is a direct reflection of what makes us uncomfortable about ourselves. I can totally see where she was operating from. It is very hard but “responsibility and compassion” covers it.
February 27, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Val–yes, “ouch”. I agree. It doesn’t always feel good, this work of sanding down the bones (ego).
Barry–right on, as always–responsibility and compassion.
Alice–we aren’t here to feel “pleasant”, are we?
tobeme–yes, more difficult to examine our own muck than it is to look on at another’s…why is that? I guess because we are so vested in our structure. The “cocoon” as Alice put it…
Laura–yeah, you are all a nice community. And Barry usually puts it pretty well….
Aggs–couldn’t agree more…
February 27, 2009 at 11:11 pm
This is one of the hardest dilemmas of human life.
Choosing between what your brain tells you and what your heart tells you.
It looks like any way you go you lose!
February 28, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Excellent topic! The feeling of unease is just another part of our growth. I call them “growing pains.” Once we are able to shed the constricting skin of this unease, we have such a tremendously bigger space to reside in.
I have had to deal with this issue myself. I know how hard or even painful it can be. After going through it, I can really say, “Honesty is the best policy,” and, “The truth shall set you free,” are words to live by.
February 28, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Buddha of Hollywood–I don’t think you lose when you are honest with yourself and everyone else. It may be uncomfortable in the moment, but ultimately freeing, no?
C.Om–I could not agree more. Even though at times it is hard to face, the truth is the best policy to live by.
Thanks for all of your insights here!