Disengaging. Not retreating from life and hiding from responsibility, but extracting oneself from the harried chaotic velocity that has become mainstream in our culture in order to face the real issues. It takes strength to say no, I won’t be there because I need to sit quietly and feel my breath as I would sit on the shore in awe of the lapping waves. I need to know the miracle that is happening inside of me, intimately. It takes courage to own up to the fact that maybe you don’t want what everyone else has because that would mean your life would be a fast-paced race to pay for it, at the expense of the most precious gift you have– your time here. It takes honesty to come to terms with the fact that you would rather know the dew on the petals at dawn, the fragile spider web fluttering in the breeze, the smell of the earth in the forest after a rain, feel the quiet breath breathed by the universe as the sun arises, than spend hours in a concrete jungle searching for something to ease the anxiety and depression arising from your perceived separation from the all-that-truly-is. Disappoint others in order to be true to yourself. Don’t have any regrets when the hour of your death is upon you.
January 6, 2009 at 7:41 am
“It takes courage to own up to the fact that maybe you don’t want what everyone else has…” Well said. That owning up to oneself is the hardest part, I think.
January 6, 2009 at 8:16 am
I agree, Laura.
January 6, 2009 at 10:19 am
It takes honesty. And courage. May we all cultivate these in our lives.
January 6, 2009 at 11:06 am
Amen, Barry.
January 6, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I totally agree. Life is far too short to do it any other way. Amen!
January 6, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Sounds like you guys are doing it right presently…down there at the beach house taking in the waves and each other. Wish I could be there
January 6, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Ah Molly!! What a strong post! I say strong becuase it talks about courage and strength that is needed if you want to be an individual. I wish we were telling more of this to each other and to our children. It is like we don’t even allow ourselves to ask – what is it that is important for me as individual? Irrespective of what the rest of the civilization is doing, what is it that I truly want to do.
It does take a lot more strength and even discipline to be with one self, with one’s own mind without any external interruption – people or TV or chatter etc. Sitting there and wathing oneself as one dies and is reborn in every moment is not only hard work, it is also scary. However, I do have to say the reward is worth the work..:)!
January 6, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Taru, I couldn’t agree more. One day, when our society has evolved a little more, perhaps we will teach children about the importance of courage and strength and dying and rebirth every moment of our lives, in the clasrrom. Is kindergarten too early to start?
January 6, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Lovely post. “Disappoint others in order to be your true self”. I’ve been doing that for the last three years. And you don’t know whether you’re being dim or missing a beat when you face that look of disappointment because your own anxiety and depression has the keys to your locked up mind and won’t let you out. Oddly, the people you hold most dear are the people you don’t want to disappoint, and when you don’t want to disappoint someone you don’t always want to be yourself, a person who in my case is often somebody who is…disappointing.
January 6, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Beautiful post. Yes, walking on a path is taking a lot of faith, courage, and… practice. Ups and downs, here we are, right now.
Thank you for your splendid efforts, Molly.
With palms together,
Uku
January 6, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Uku,
Thank you for your efforts. Always the practice…
With Much metta,
Molly
January 6, 2009 at 2:37 pm
hjkobayashi,
I hear you on that one. It is really difficult to disappoint others. And I definitely experience a degree of discomfort when I am faced with doing that. With saying no to people i care about. By not being available to people I cre about sometimes. But here’s to working through it. Blessings to you.
Molly
January 6, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Beautifully said.
May I add one thing?
“Disappoint others in order to be true to yourself.” I think this is fine as long as one has been able to distinguish his or her desires from the ego’s desire. If it’s the ego talking and making decisions, then all is for naught.
January 6, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Val, thanks for your comment. And I hear what you are saying. However that assumes that the ego is separate from who we are, and it isn’t separate. When we observe without reaction the ego’s destructive habit patterns, then we begin to come out of our suffering and the ego begins to dissolve. And that takes immense amounts of still quiet time, which in order to give yourself that space and time, may involve disappointing others, when you begin to see that maybe some of your worldly pursuits begin to lose some of their importance.
But I hear what you are saying. I am referring to saying no to things, etc, (disappointing others) because you need to serve your true nature, because you need to be still in order to come out of your suffering. Not because you’ld rather start a fight or go out drinking.
Thanks for the thought provoking comment, Val.
Peace to you, Molly
January 6, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Dear Molly
What you have said has been in my heart for a long time. And as time goes on I become more and more confident this is the best choice. I had a brush with death a few years ago. Afterward I would tell people that when they are wheeling you into the intensive care unit you don’t find yourself wishing you had spent more time in the office. I find when I try to measure the worth of something I am doing, the best yardstick is to ask whether, when I lay dying, I would be glad I did it. Gassho.
January 6, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Hey Molly,
Amazing post. I cannot add anything to your words here — they stand up pretty well on their own. Just wanted to let you know how meaningful it was for me. Makes me really step back and realize what is important in this life.
thanks,
Greg
January 6, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Wow, Gregor. Thanks for your kind words. They mean alot to me. Peace to you.
January 6, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Dai Chi,
These feelings had been with me for some time as well, and it was a life-altering illness that made me finally come to terms with what I am doing here.
Thanks so much for your comment. I am grateful for you and what you went through.
With Peace to you,
Molly
January 6, 2009 at 8:13 pm
When I was mentioned the ego I was thinking more about the idea of being selfish. Not so much about instant gratification, but more about the idea of moral worldly responsibility.
I absolutely agree with your premise. It is so true. I would hope that people who take this time away to awaken to their true selves will be able to step back into the world with a better perspective on how to help serve the needs of their community.
Great dialogue. I look forward to reading more!
January 7, 2009 at 7:08 am
It seems to me Val, that when people actually discover what their true nature is all about, which seems to come from difficult life experiences or taking the time to be still, they change, and the result is that they actually experience the truth and their desire becomes to help others cease suffering, however that looks. So, selfish isn’t all bad.
But, for communication/language sake, I hear you.
Peace, and thanks for your insights.
Molly
January 7, 2009 at 1:32 pm
How nice it is to know that there are so many other people out there who feel similar things..
January 12, 2009 at 1:44 am
Hi Molly, beautiful post. I remember my teacher sharing his experience about how others perceived him diffrent in a weird way because he was not like others when younger and even today. He says, ‘its hard to unknow the known’. I said ‘why dont they feel like why they’re different? Just because of the law of large numbers? Just because most are following the crowd does not make it ‘the one’ does it?’ Life is what we believe it is. Thank you for your post as it gives assurance to the meaning of being yourself; finding yourself and living your life.