I am moved to share how I came to be here. Here writing away on this blog.

Just over 2 years ago I left for a journey to India and southeast Asia. This was a trip that had been in the works for many years. I met and fell in love with my husband before the journey was to begin, and he agreed to travel with me to India for my first month there, as a honeymoon.

Twenty-four hours after he left India to return to the U.S., my knees turned into rather large grapefruits and I was unable to walk. I checked into Breach Candy Hospital in Mumbai (thanks to Lonely Planet), where I spent two weeks. At the age of thirty-two I was forced to learn to walk again. The illness is called Reiter’s Syndrome. It happened because of my body’s reaction to a dysentery I got in India.

I spent the ensuing eight months on crutches, not knowing if I would ever function normally again. Eventually my feet were also affected. I had been a very active person-running, hiking, and yoga had been a way of life for me. I had been a cardiac nurse for ten years, which requires an immense amount of time on your feet. And I was newly married. The world as I knew it evaporated.

Well, for the most part I did eventually recover, though I am not symptom-free. I can ride a bike. I can do some hiking. I can go to yoga. I’ll never run again. And for now, every eight weeks I have to receive an IV infusion of a very powerful immunosuppressant to keep me mobile.

I am certain that the illness, in many ways, was a culmination of years of intention. (And of course genes and environment, both internal and external) For many years I had been telling the eternal, the divine, that I wished to become more tolerant, more compassionate, less judgmental. There is nothing like a life-altering-make-you-face-permanent-disability illness to bring you to your knees. Well, death of course, but I wasn’t ready to go.

In a million years I never would have chosen the experience for myself, but in the end I am eternally grateful for what has arisen in my life as a result of it. It has forced me to take my meditation practice to the next level. It has forced me to release that which doesn’t serve me. And it has provided me with the certainty that I must follow my bliss, as the adage goes. So that’s what I am doing here. Following my bliss.

 

Mumbai, India January 2007

 

Riding the Rockies, summer 2008

 

Good enough is the new perfect.

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